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…taking over me…

// February 16th, 2008 // Comments Off // Life, Love

ang song ko for the valentine’s day season? “taking over me” by evanescence. my gosh naman oh. sakto sya sa dalawang “past” na na-haunt ako since feb 13-15. dati, “signs” lng tlga ang humahabol sakin. simply a jersey number, their name appearing in the strangest of places, their fave songs following me wherever i go or whatever channel i tune into, mga ganun. pero now, SILA NA MISMO NAGPAKITA!

yung isa kasi, nung feb13 nagparamdam. almost 2 months kaming hindi nagkita or nag usap. dko alam kung may tampo or what. dahil ba knampihan ko e yung kalaban nyang team? ewan. bsta ako ngtatampo kc hindi xa sumipot nung birthday ko. kaya ayun, nung finally ngkta kami sa building at nagkamustahan, bigla xa ngtxt after. i helped him with something, tpos nagmeet kami at tlgang cnabi kong ngtatampo ako sa knya. he said wag at babawi xa. LAGI NALANG. we’ll see. tska sabi pa nya “gusto mo yung jersey ni ano? nung ano pa yun” AYAW KO, GUSTO KO YUNG SAYO! “o sige,, yung ano ko nalang” TOTOO BA YAN? “oo” *sbay smile* “thnx imee ha…” uhm ok fine. we’ll see talaga. labo kc. kasi nung 15th (yesterday) nagkita kami pero parang deadma. but others saw otherwise. nahalata na pala ng ibang tao yung “thing” between us (whatever it is…). shettt.

yung isa naman, misteryosong ngpakita nung feb14. haller. valentine’s day. sabi nya, “ganito” pero i really had a bad feeling na “ganun” gets? sinita ko rin xa sa tampo ko. even my friends said “onga eh hindi nga sinasagot tawag eh..” nagmurahan lang nman kami. haha. pero joketime yun. kasi yung friend nya at ung isa pang friend ko, pinagtripan namen. so nagmurahan siya at frnd ko, tpos frnd nya at ako. gets pba? bsta. gnun. tpos inasar ko pa xa, “nanuod nga ako, game nman ng ANO (ofcourse i mentioned the team)” tpos npatingin xa at ngumiti, nagets na may sama ng loob ako tlga sa kanya. bhala na. pag sa sunday at sa april nagkita kami as “planned” (though that’s not the right word), mhhrapan ata akong mkaget over sa knya. kala ko kc ok na. pero..DEYM!! as in mgka-alaman na. ilang taon na tayong ngkakalabuan. HAY.

anyway. eto yung lyrics:

you don’t remember me but i remember you
i lie awake and try so hard not to think of you
but who can decide what they dream?
and dream i do…

taking over me!

i love amy lee’s words. sakto. hayyy…

“Steady lang.”

// December 23rd, 2007 // Comments Off // Life, Love

Ready na ba kayo? MADRAMA ‘TO. Mag-eemote muna ako.

Happiness is a CHOICE. I chose to be happy. It’s as simple as that. You could fall in love and be happy, but you don’t have to fall in love to be happy. Get it? Got it? Good.

I remember the quote my friend Shiela sent me months ago…
“Fall is the operative term. Not walk, leap or glide, but fall. It denotes plummeting from a height, landing with a thud, incurring welts and bruises. That’s why it’s called falling in love–you could wind up maimed or dead.” -Jessica Zafra

Agree? Somehow.

I believe I’ve fallen truly in love at least once or twice in my life. The first was the worst, because he was my first serious relationship. Yes, it hurt. Yes, I did think I would never get over him and the whole situation. And yes, I thought I’d never love again. DRAMA! But I did get over the pain, I did get over him and what happened, and I did open my heart with hopes of once again falling in love…

So there I was, with arms wide open, thinking I could easily give my heart to someone after so much heartache and sleepless, tearful nights. This new guy was there, seemingly ready as well. We’ve known each other for a while, and I thought I knew him well enough. WRONG! He wasn’t ready for a committed relationship. But he sent me text messages often, asking if I was ok or if I was going to be there during his, uhm, events. He talked to me in school, I didn’t have to approach him for him to do so. But I guess he was too busy with his “thing” (his career, his hobby, whatever you may call it…) to be with someone again. Or so I thought…

During the (then) highlight of his career, he changed. After just a few days, it was like we didn’t even know each other! Girls swarmed him around campus and elsewhere. I couldn’t even utter a single word without another girl or group of girls trying to barge in to get a photo-op. I thought, What the hey, let him enjoy his sudden shoot to fame first…until he started snubbing me. When I call his name, he’ll turn around, stare and then ignore me. If i approach him, he’ll talk to everyone else but me, sometimes in their dialect so I wouldn’t understand and/or feel out of place. What the hell is up?! I felt so unimportant, and all the times and conversations we shared felt so insignificant and wasted. Common friends of ours who knew him for a while also noticed his change of attitude. Boo.

I let things pass. Sembreak, Christmas, his birthday. Not a word. I even asked a friend of his who was with him to greet him for me. This friend of his told me, “Sure, but why don’t you greet him yourself too?” but I didn’t. I was too afraid. I did greet him in his friendster account though, via a testimonial. Nothing. No thanks, no reply, no text, not even a stupid pageview in friendster. After a while, I noticed he erased me from his account. OMG he erased me. I lost hope. I let go and decided just to be with friends and family–after all he was only in my life for (at the time) three short years as opposed to my own 20 years of living. If you think about it, he’s nothing but a tiny fraction of my life.

So there. I hung out, made new friends, got closer to my family, mended some broken relationships, rekindled old/lost ones, and went on to have fun. I finally had a life again. I was happy. REALLY HAPPY.

Until… *boom* A few months later I saw him… He was nice, he even greeted me first. He even noticed my outfit, which he has never done before. But other than that, no other communication. We didn’t talk, we didn’t see each other, NOTHING. So I just thought, Hmm. He was just probably being casual. Ok, now move on.

So I did. As previously mentioned, I was happy and I was content with my life. Then an insignificant part of our lives fell into place. Someone who claimed to be his past, present and future, out of nowhere came into the picture! I wasn’t close to her, but we knew each other. She just came back into the scene after months of silence, claiming to be this and that. At first it didn’t bother me until I discovered her mountains and mountains of lies. At first I felt that what she has been saying were true, I thought I was finally defeated and he was ready to commit–to HER. I felt so stupid, careless and so at the right place but at the wrong time.

But things DO happen for a reason. I made friends who I didn’t know were in a way connected to us. These newfound friends have given me information (mostly with proof) of how much of a liar this girl was. Sometimes even I have become an eyewitness to her vicious pack of lies. Even up until now I keep finding things out! Wow. I don’t know why she’s been doing those things, and why me (of all people). Things just, I don’t know, really fell into place. Now I know the truth. Maybe not the whole truth, but at least it’s still the truth and not a twisted version of it.

So where am I now? Somewhere between happiness and bliss. Not fully content, but almost there.

Yes, I’ve seen “him” a few times recently. Yes he promised to make it to my birthday which is soon. Yes, he has been treating me differently than the swarm of girls who approach him, and I do have eyewitnesses. Yes, we have been exchanging texts for quite some time now. And yes, it’s more than just hi’s and hello’s–the actual conversations have returned. I KNOW I’M NOT DREAMING NOR MAKING THESE THINGS UP. And I know my family and true friends (even an ex of mine) are happy for me.

I’m not expecting things to happen fast… I’m just enjoying what I have, what “we” have at this very moment. “Steady lang.” If it happens, it happens. If not, then oh well. Life will go on.

it’s the most wonderful time of the year (=

// December 20th, 2007 // Comments Off // Friends, Holidays, Life, Love, UST

Hands down, this is the best Paskuhan yet. It just keeps getting better, I swear. All the shit I’ve been through all year, erased… Just because I spent time with some of the people I love & enjoy the company most. I don’t need to drop names–they know who they are. Thanks for the gifts, the escapades, and the great time we all had last night. It was a truly memorable one.

Probably the only thing I didn’t like about that night was the hurt I felt seeing this certain someone, looking at me, even if he’s with his significant other. I know they’re happy. But somehow I wish he wasn’t at all bitter towards me, it’s not like it’s my fault we’re not meant for each other. I don’t like this feeling–yung nagkakailangan. It’s way too hard, and it feels like such a waste, especially now that it’s the yuletide season. Magdodonate na sana ako nung hinihingi mo, kaso nag inarte ka, hmp!

But anyway, thanks to the UAAP Family. Tigers, Tams, Warriors (kahit di sumipot yung isa jan, lagot ka sakin! haha), and of course the VIP & Adiks. Again, no need to mention names. I’m saying this from the bottom of my heart: you’re all special to me and I thank you for this night worth remembering. I really love you guys.

PS: Ikaw. Oo ikaw. Namiss kita, alam mo na kung sino ka (= See you on my birthday, promise yan ha? (=

i just can’t look, it’s killing me

// August 5th, 2006 // Comments Off // Life, Love, Music, Rant, Site Updates, Sports

I’m here in the computer lab at school… I’m so bored, hahaha. It’s been a couple of days since my last update, and since I promised to do so more often, well here I am! =p

I’m going to watch some basketball games tomorrow with some friends/siblings. I’m a bit excited and I hope our team wins… they’ve been on a two-game losing streak and the university is not happy about it. Neither am I. Because I’m sick of rooting for the losing team!!! (Hehe.) Here’s hoping—they’re taking on the (currently) unbeaten team. Gotta give a shoutout (wtf?) to my friends on the team: Dylan, Japs, Jojo, June D., Allan, Chester, Mel, Jemal (get well soon)… you guys rock the hardcourt tomorrow ok?!

Lovelife? Social life? Family? Well I’ve been ok with all of them—except in the lovelife bit. I’ve been single for more that four months, and I thought I was gonna be ok. However, I’ve felt a lot of pain and according to Loureck, torment. It’s such a hard thing to go through, getting over someone you still love. Eventually I’m becoming ok but it’s such a slow process and frankly I’m exhausted. Don’t get me wrong—Charlie and I are still really good friends. It’s just that too much has happened for things to go back to the way they were. Oh well, life is crazy, but I’m crazier. Ha.

Site updates: I finished reuploading my MP3s, a bio written by Charlie, and the webcam page. Everything else is still in the works ‘cause I’m pretty busy. Exams start this Monday so I probably won’t update till after Friday. Will return all comments by Tuesday, including the ones from the old website. Hehe.

oops… i did it again (how retro)

// May 15th, 2006 // 40 Comments » // Family, Life, Love, Sports

So I’ve been gone again for about three weeks. I can’t help it, I love neglecting my site! Ahem, sarcasm. Been going out a lot… I keep going to basketball games, hanging out with friends, and basically just having fun.

I got a haircut… A pretty one. LOL. My hair’s quite short now, shoulder-length & very “piecey.” After the cut, my sister Larraine kept joking to me that I’m now human & I’m now a girl. HAHA. Right. Photos: here & here.

Anyway, yesterday was mother’s day. Our celebration this year was simple. We just had snacks and stuff, my dad & my brother bought mom flowers, and we had a blast spending time together. I hope everyone else had a good time.

I applied for a couple of jobs in the past few weeks. I got a callback but not for the job I really wanted. Damn. Oh well, school’s coming up in a month over here anyway, so I guess I’ll just make the most out of my summer vacation instead.

As for my “lovelife,” me & Charlie (my ex) are just good friends now. We’re still close, no one is depressed, and in fact, I’m the one egging him on about going for this new girl he likes. Muhaha. And this guy I like, well we see each other every now & then, sending texts messages every so often, but nothing more than that. At least not for now. ;p

I’m quite looking forward to tomorrow though. I might go watch a basketball game with some friends tomorrow… Clearly I am easily amused. Anyone wanna go partying with me?

and since i’ve been gone…

// April 24th, 2006 // Comments Off // Friends, Life, Love, Site Updates, Sports, UST

It seems like for the past few entries I always start with an apology. But really, I am sorry for neglecting this thing that’s apparently my website. Don’t think I’ve forgotten any of you or anything, ok? I’m using the ancient computer at my mom’s office (lol) because I still have no internet on my computer & I’m itching for it really bad. I do try to go online every now & then but only for like 30 minutes at a time. That totally sucks.

So in the past month I…
• celebrated my sister’s birthday & went bowling with the family (April 1) – photos
• dreamt I was in a tornado with Wentworth Miller (April 3)
• watched basketball games (numerous times) – photos
• hung out at my ex-boyfriend’s house twice
• saw someone naked BY ACCIDENT (don’t ask)
• hung out with my family a couple of times
• got my grades & found I passed all my subjects (April 10)
• watched Ice Age 2 then hung out with friends at home (also April 10)
• got addicted to “Prison Break” & “Veronica Mars”
• written 4 new songs (all before Easter)—which I will upload when I get the chance!
• have been eating like a ton of chocolate, mushrooms & green mangoes
• found out a schoolmate of mine died while saving his friends’ lives (April 16)
• went clubbing but got disappointed with the crowd (April 18) – photos
• got gnawed on my leg by a dog thanks to GP (April 19)
• attempted to make a new layout for this site… (also April 19)
• finally logged onto MySpace again (April 20)
• freaked out & almost had a heart attack because of a damn basketball game i watched (April 23)
• tried redeeming myself by commenting back on everyone *wink*

Please take a moment & pray for the soul of my schoolmate John Lee Apil. He passed away last April 15 while attempting to save two of his friends from electrocution. He is an amazing athlete of our university and a good friend to everyone who knew him.

I’d say more but I’m really tired & lazy. Ciao!

oh my god, i’m like, dead or something!

// March 29th, 2006 // Comments Off // Friends, Life, Love, Site Updates, Sports

Don’t worry, I’m still alive. Just barely breathing. Lol. I’m here at my mom’s office waiting for my sister to arrive. I’m so sorry I haven’t posted here or commented on your sites for AGES. I really am sorry.

Finals went ok. A couple of exams were weird, but most were ok. And if you’re curious, yes Charles & I did get good grades for our Speech class. As some of you may know (or barely remember), we did the island scene from Pirates of the Caribbean. Tehee. Here’s a pic of us, enjoy. Haha.

By the way, me & Charles aren’t a couple anymore. We broke up last Saturday (or was it Sunday?) but we’re friends. Really. And I’m not being sarcastic here. Don’t be sad, we’re ok. (= Bright side? We’re not fighting anymore… And I have more songwriting material (that’s a half joke).

Yesterday I was with Joyce & we watched basketball games to support our friend Jojo. Also last Saturday I watched a different set of games with Paula. And last Thursday I went swimming & drinking with some friends (here’s a pic). So yeah, my social life is crazy now.

I still have no internet connection at the moment. Cyrian, you want my internet card? Hehe. Let’s just hope I get that laptop soon. I’m itching for one right now!! And maybe I’ll also have to get my celfone fixed. TECHNOLOGY BITES! Harhar.

I just came from the doctor’s by the way. That was scary. o___O Gotta go now, I have tons of updating to do here & elsewhere! Promise to visit you all again soon. Love y’all!!

we’re devils & black sheep & really bad eggs

// March 8th, 2006 // Comments Off // Friends, Life, Love, Sports, UST

It seems my social life has kept me away from the computer for like the longest time. So yeah, that’s the reason why I have been neglecting this site a lot. Heehee.

This day started out alright, although I had no energy because I skipped breakfast to reach school on time. School was fine… not much crap went on. Ok, there was a little. During handball, I got hit on the chin with a mf’ing ball! Screw that team of royal blue-wearing IDIOTS. Where in the world have you seen such a bunch of sourpussies who get mad even when they’re obviously winning?!?! I HATE THEM & their pathetic guts!!

Phew. Calm. Anyway, moving on… After lunch, Loureck was saying crazy stuff to us & it was hella funny. I miss that guy in our class, hehe. And Charlie was taking pictures of everyone who ate this candy called Yakee. Basically, it’s a gum ball with an insanely sour candy coating. You could just imagine all our faces wrinkling up because we couldn’t take the, er, sourness.

Yesterday I hung out with Lance for a bit, while she was waiting for her checkup. Then I went with friends to a karaoke lounge & sang our hearts out for 2½ hours. We had beers, snacks, and of course our vocal chords & dancing talents for amazing eargasms. HAHAHA. I also tasted this strange bittersweet chocolate with raisins & almonds… It was inexpensive & really good! I love chocolate (sorry, Michelle).

Monday, what did I do last Monday? I don’t know! Hold on… I’ll try to recall. Er… I think not much went on in class so we got out early. I ate lunch with Charlie & Joyce, then we just hung out near the football field for a while. I also kept buying Yakee a lot, which I believe made me hyper (and even a little crazy).

Sunday was my 13th month with Charlie, but my family had to celebrate my sister-in-law’s birthday that day as well. I ate lunch with the family, and we hung out for a while till when they had to all go home.

Saturday was my adventure day with Paula… lol! We went to Ateneo to watch a basketball game, but we ended up getting lost inside that huge campus! Talk about a laugh trip. =p Sadly, our school lost by 7 points after an overtime. Oh well. They did a great job during the previous games anyway.

Oh my, this post is long. Yep, that’s about it, I believe. I’m tired now. I have to sleep ‘cause I’ve got a skit to do in Speech class tomorrow. I’m doing the island scene from “Pirates of the Carribean” with Charlie. Wish us luck ;p

the story of my unconvetional holiday

// February 17th, 2006 // Comments Off // Holidays, Life, Love

I really should remind myself to start updating more. :p

I went shopping with Charlie today… for school shoes. The ones I’ve been using is so worn out that I have lots of wounds/callouses on my feet. Boo. But now, I’m back to wearing low-cut boots. Yay, I can wear my comfortable colored socks again & they won’t be noticed! Hmm, I’m strange.

Valentine’s Day was fine, we had only 2 subjects in school. In fact, it was just like any other day for me. I’m not the type of person who celebrates it much, even if I do have a boyfriend by my side. I actually celebrated it with him & our friends, drinking & singing on karaoke. I had more fun than I expected, even if Charlie & I had a bad argument that day. I think Valentine’s Day is overrated anyway.

Wednesday was alright I suppose. Some professors were acting strange because of our school being tested for accreditation. *coughfakerscough* We also barely did anything during handball, just a practical test & we had good grades for it. Muwahahaha.

Yesterday was ok too… I’m starting to get the hang of participating in Philosophy class. And I finished my informal speech in English class… I was pretty nervous but I think I did ok, considering that I got the attention of pretty much everyone… (don’t ask, it was weird). Then afterwards I went over to Charlie’s to watch some Friends videos.

It’s the weekend! I’m going to my friend’s birthday tomorrow evening, so I gotta go look for a dress in my closet & such. I’ll return comments in a while. And thanks to Michelle & Janelle for the fansigns <333

slap me with a splintered ruler

// February 13th, 2006 // Comments Off // Friends, Life, Love

Well hello. Ya miss me? Cool. Missed ya too. =p So I haven’t been posting here lately. I have my reasons… First is because I’m lazy (surprise). Second, I can’t think of anything interesting enough to write about. And finally, I heard today that a professor in my university has been reading some students’ blogs lately… Not that I have anything to hide, though. So HA.

It’s already half-past nine and I’m not yet done with my reports. Though it’s party because of my procrastination, it’s also party because my computer froze as I was doing some research. *cries* I have to do a report on gastrointestinal diseases for Biology class tomorrow. Then in Speech, I have to talk about grunge music. I’m not nervous yet, but I have this tendency of blabbering useless crap during public speaking. Wish me luck?

I haven’t done much over the weekend. Friday, I went to Charlie’s after class. On Saturday I was in front of the computer all day, or talking to Charlie on the phone—he dared me to play Zuma all night… Phew, whatta night. Yesterday I woke up after just 3 or 4 hours of sleep. Then last night I wrote an article for Journalism class, which I think is grammatically correct but not very vindictive. Ah well.

School today was alright I guess. I got pretty ok grades (which was made me happy because I barely study, lol). Then after class I hung out with Arene, distributing flyers for our political party’s campaign. After that, I met up with Charlie to hang out at his house & do a bit of research for my reports. He even printed the colored acetate for me which saved me lots of money!

Tomorrow is Valentine’s Day. I don’t know what I’ll be doing though, ‘cause I’m not the type of person who celebrates it. I was supposed to watch a basketball game with Charlie, Paula & Joyce but it got postponed for next Monday. Thanks to Dorthea for the fansign! Happy Valentine’s Day, everyone!